CSI:NY turns me into a giddy schoolgirl with a crush.

I’m sure my title explains it all.

I can’t help it. When I watch CSI:NY – more specifically, Gary Sinise – kicking ass…my heart races and I begin to giggle uncomfortably.

And because Spike TV is having a marathon (which REALLY doesn’t matter, since I own seasons 1 through 3), I have been glued to the tv screen…..

The only reason I’m writing is because it’s on a commercial right now.

Yup. It’s sad… I know.

PS. My diploma is in the mail!!!!!! with it’s gold seal, and fancy font…. spelling out my name.

     best day ever.

 

xo

what i just don’t understand…

-i don’t understand how a man can sit in a Winnipeg emergency room for 34 hours, and die from something that was completely treatable. I work in emerg, and honestly, hearing this on the news made me disgusted at those responsible. it leaves an incredibly bad taste in my mouth, and makes me pissed off that someone can call themself a ‘heath care professional’ but would leave someone waiting – and ultimately dieing – in a wait room.

-i don’t understand how someone can be incredibly bitter towards another, and not admit it. I’ve heard of people that hold onto grudges for long periods of time, but seriously. 6 years. Stop calling me ‘the ex’. Open your eyes, and realize that you probably ‘hate’ me because you really hate yourself for caring about me so much. i know this only because i feel the same way. life is too short. let go.

-i don’t understand how people can be SO incredibly insensitive at times. I watched a man die this week… it was surreal that less than a day before i was talking to him and his wife in the ER. and now, a day later, i watched his heart stop beating (and with an enormous amount of effort, he couldn’t be saved. his heart just stopped…). Then I get off work, and I’m a witness to people hating one another…for such SMALL and petty things! Or I watch young people abusing themselves (with copious amounts of liquor/drugs)…. and I feel sorry for them. There is something that is hurting them in their lives that makes them hurt themselves. but someday, that physical body isn’t going to recover from the abuse…. whether verbal or physical.

i just don’t understand anymore.

 

“They can take tomorrow and the plans we made (plans we made)
They can take the music that we’ll never play
All the broken dreams
Take everything
Just take it away, but they can never have yesterday
They can take the future that we’ll never know (no no)
They can take the places that we said we would go
All the broken dreams
Take everything
Just take it away (oh oh), but they can never have yesterday”

      -Leona Lewis, Yesterday

7 yrs ago….

Where was I seven years ago??

I can remember it as if it was yesterday.

I was walking down the hallway of my high school….it was first period, and i was supposed to be in class (surprize, surprize…i was skipping class again).

As I was walking around, being cautious not to be caught, I saw a girl from my grade. I’m going to call her ‘M’. Well ‘M’ was crying in the bathroom, so I asked her if she was okay. Then she started wailing, “they hit the towers Leigh!!! they HIT the towers!!!”

Leigh: “What do you mean? who are ‘they’?? what towers did they hit??”

M: ” the twin towers! they smashed into the twin towers!”

‘M’ then ran from the bathroom, in complete hysterics (I later found out that one of her family members worked in that area, but they were okay).

I didn’t understand what happened… I didn’t quite understand what she was saying. I felt like I was in a dream land, as slowly, one-by-one, people started to come into the hallways…. all murmmering about the ‘towers’ being hit.

I immediately went home and turned on the tv.

And there it was. The horrific footage that will FOREVER be etched into my memory. The first airplane hitting one tower…then what seems like just seconds later, the second plane hitting the next. Hearing peoples cries for help, seeing them leap….. all just trying to find some safety…some peace in the chaos.

 

I will never forget that day, and the days that came afterwards, which all lead us to where we are RIGHT now. The war in Iraq, the battles in Afganistan.

But Whoopi said it best today on The View, we can ALL shit on Bush and the current government, but sit back and realize that we haven’t had another attack like that for the past 7 yrs.

Today we need to be thankful for this hard-earned ‘peace’. Today we need to think of those soldiers that are here in Canada/US and overseas fighting. Today we need to think of what we can do as individuals to maintain solidarity and amity….

 Today we need to remember, to be humble, and to seize the day.

 

picture from:  http://www.poster-spezialist.de/-st/Minoru-Yamasaki-Posters_c8748_.htm

Loneliness

***though I finally have a day off from work, I’m taking advantage of it by running some errands, and studing! So, I’m re-posting one of my favorite writings from my time in Ottawa. Some of you may have read it on my facebook ‘notes’, if not : PLEASE enjoy!***

Lonliness found me tonight.
He crawled into my bed… pressing his cold feet against me.
I begged him to go away… but he persisted, unforgivingly.
“why me? why tonight?” I cry outloud
I turn on my music, I sing, but he sings louder.
“what do you want from me?!” i pleaded
“but i want it all… everything” he replies, pushing me out of my safety net.
I rush at him, try to get him off guard… but lonliness is always on his toes.
I scream, cry at him. but he does not listen.
I crawl back into my bed… gather up the blankets and pillows…
I build a fort. I bury myself deep within. The warmth fills me, and for a second I feel like I’ve won.
I laugh outloud. I smile under the covers.

A cold breeze tickles the hairs on the back of my neck.
…a reminder…
…lonliness never leaves… especially in a fort built for one.

Lookin’ for love…. in ALL the wrong places.

 

 

Some of you may be able to relate to this post.

Some of you may have never experience these feelings ( lucky ).

and some of you may be going through this AS WE SPEAK, and have no idea what to do about it.

                          if this is the case, i feel you’re pain.

I’m currently single. I’m definitely not ashamed, but there are moments where I can’t say ‘I’m loving it’.

after being in a long term relationship, and living with cet person, I became accustom to a certain level of constant intimacy.

to put it mildly, 

i love love.

I decided, after the ending of my previous relationship, that I was going to persue MY dreams (that I had sadly put on hold), that I was going to move away, and was going to purposely stay single during my time in O-town.

But, now that I’ve come back to the maritimes, and am working, I’m now searching for what’s missing in my life.

I have the career, the degree, the family, the amazing friends, and the puppy…. so what’s left?

I’m missing these things:

 - the lil kisses when you wake up in the morning

 - the hand-holding when you’re grocery shopping

 - the human body-pillow during movies/tv shows

 - the cuddling….oh i miss the cuddling.

 - the lil phone calls/txt messages, just to say ‘hi’ or that they were thinking of you.

  – always having a dance partner, especially when you go drinking and end up in a dance bar (note: i definitely don’t have a problem finding a ‘partner’ on the dance floor… usually there’s too many. But there is nothing better than dancing with someone you care about!). I’m also a sucker for slow songs!

 - i miss the romance…all things that go with that. The soft kisses, the ‘i wuv u’s, the flowers on special occasions (or randomly! ), the dinner/movie/dancing dates, the encompassing hugs, spooning (BIG SPOON, LITTLE SPOON! ), the giggling, the butterflies, and most importantly, the intimacy (whether that is nice and sensual, or diiiirty!)

 

So the question is, what does a girl do?

I don’t know the ‘rules’ anymore. Do we persue someone we like, or do we have to wait for them? Is asking a guy out “too bold”? What’s a dating ‘faux-pas’? And when do you give up on someone….?

Women, and Men, out there….what is your best advice?

 

Ps. picture came from www.myspace.com/darfurnow